Month: August 2017

Time Management, Uncategorized

Failing at Trying to Do it All

JSB

There are only twenty-four hours in a day. I try to devote anywhere from seven to eight of those hours to sleep. I mentioned sleep first because you must understand that, like the fox in the above photo, sleep is my favorite thing to do.

I am required to spend nine hours at my full-time seed money gig (and that doesn’t count commute time). I hang out with my son, eat, sometimes cook, do chores, pray, write and read for school. I read submissions for the two literary magazines I work for and then there’s that hour a week I devote to Game of Thrones. Sprinkled in are church attendance, the time I spend volunteering in the church bookstore, and time with my extended family.

With all of that, it feels as though I have something going every hour of the day. I no longer sit on the couch and binge-watch Netflix. I can’t lay out in my backyard and reread Agatha Christie novels (which is fine because I don’t miss the subsequent mosquito bites.) I no longer have time to do nothing.

When I first began the pursuit of my MFA, I asked one of the women who had been in the program for a year how I was supposed to do it all? She told me that I couldn’t. She told me that I would have to choose.

I spent all of Sunday catering to my son, who has a virus and working on my draft that’s due on Friday morning. There are dirty dishes in my sink and I still haven’t folded last week’s laundry. I’m going to have to leave early in the morning to get both my son’s bus fare and his lunch money from the ATM because I couldn’t leave him to go do it during the day. I may even have to throw a load of clothes in the washing machine at 5 AM because there’s no way I can do it now. Right now I am working on this week’s posts.

Right before I got super busy, God showed me a race. The runners were behind the line, revving up and eager to go. He told me that it wasn’t time to run yet, but that I should rest and wait because once the race started I wouldn’t be able to rest for a long while.

I did rest a good deal during the previous months, so when I started running I thought I was ready. What I didn’t understand was that I could get distracted by trying to take on more than one race at a time. Not only is that not a very smart thing to do, it’s impossible. No matter how many hours there are in a day, I can only concentrate on one task until it is complete… And right now that task is The Game of Thrones because really, Jon Snow deserves my immediate attention. He deserves everyone’s immediate attention.

Parenting, Time Management, Uncategorized

Failing at Morning Routines

JSB

This post will be published around the time my teenager and I are stumbling out of the house for the first day of school. There will be faint whiffs of excitement, a lot whining, and some yelling. The yelling will be from me.

I am always late. No matter where I go. I am late – running through the door at eight for work, sneaking in through the back doors at church, waving across the room at chatting friends who have been waiting for at least five minutes. I try. I really do, but my efforts never pan out.

For months I have been obsessed with morning routines. I watch youtube videos and listen to podcasts. I read blog posts. I even read Hal Elrod’s Miracle Morning. The problem is, I can never stick to the routine. Sure, I do great at first: lunches packed the night before, clothes laid out and ironed, breakfast prepared and ready to go, morning meetings with myself over coffee… and then I fall off. Game of Thrones comes on, someone calls, or I fall asleep on the couch, and then nothing gets done. The next morning I find myself once again scrambling to get out the door ten minutes too late.

The good thing about a new school year is that gives me and my son a chance for a new start. Maybe this time it’ll work. The Miracle Morning works, planning ahead of time works. It’s me that’s a problem and I’ve got no choice but to get it together. I’m tired of fighting with myself every morning. It’s getting me nowhere, and definitely not anywhere on time.

Finances, Uncategorized

When Your Credit Fails

JSB

Sallie Mae and I have had a long running relationship. It hasn’t been a good one. The Bible says in Romans 13:8, “Owe no man but to love him.” I owe Sallie Mae so much more than love. I owe her a mid-sized house in a middle-class neighborhood. I owe her a luxury car and few years of my salary.

Because I can’t give Sallie Mae all that I owe her immediately, she’s trying to stand in the way of my dreams of home ownership. She’s out to get me.

God showed up and showed out the day I stumbled into my credit union with a hope for a home loan. The loan officer was able to give me just enough money to outright purchase the home I already live in. Great, right? I like my house. It’s a nice house. It’s treated us well over the years.

Debt to income ratio is a real thing. After my credit score, it was the second factor my loan officer considered. She smiled… and then noticed my hefty stack of student loans. She immediately stopped smiling.

I’m thankful for my home. An outright mortgage will save me lots of money per month, more money to pay Sallie with, but what strikes me as odd, is how I never thought going to college would hold me back in any way. I thought it would propel me forward. And it sort of did, except it propelled me forward with an unforeseen weight on my back. And they don’t advertise those weights in those cool college brochures.

I’m thankful, even with the discouraging debt ratio, even with the delays and possibly too high hopes. My credit may fail, but God never does. Plus, God promised in Deuteronomy 6:10-11, “…to give thee great and goodly cities, which thou buildest not, and houses full of all good things, which thou filledst not…” And I believe God over my credit any day. God can do – even when it comes to home ownership, greater than I can imagine.

MFA, Writing Goals

Who Fails at Plot?!!!

JSB

I’m taking my MFA program seriously, I promise. I really do want to be a writer, which seems to mean that I want to read On Writing and Bird by Bird over and over again. Or it means that I want to watch Stuck in Love ten thousand times.

I’m not sure if I actually want to write. Because you see, going into my office hurts. It’s only four feet from my bedroom but heading there feels like I’m trekking across the desert or climbing an iceberg. By the time I arrive I’m too tired to do anything.

A few weeks ago, I got my first comments back from my mentor. He didn’t say I suck but instead insinuated that maybe it might take me awhile to get over myself just enough to write an actual story.

So, for the sake of clarification, in case you missed anything: Not only do I spend most of my time avoiding writing but when I finally get around to it, nothing I churn out has a plot. Isn’t that just peachy!

My mentor, who is perfectly wonderful, has asked me to do an outline. Go over the top, he says. Over the top! I can’t conceive of over the top! I have no idea where over the top is!

Needless to say, I’ve had no peace for two the past weeks. I’ve been avoiding my story, my mentor, the outline, everything. And next week I have no choice. I have to start writing.

So, I’m going to spend this week walking. I’m going to walk around town with my audio recorder and talk to myself. I am going outline. I am going to fail and fail hard. And my mentor will judge me. I already know he’s gonna judge me and possibly laugh. But if I am going to be a writer, that is what writers do. Writers write words. They don’t just watch The Shining.

Encourage Yourself, Starting a Business

Motivating Others Instead

JSB

I have never been much of a doer. My tendencies lean more toward talking. So much so that I think myself a motivator, not a life coach because life coaches, at the very least, have a history of doing. I’m more of a pusher. I push dreams like drugs on unsuspecting people.

The truth is, I see possibility in everyone. Unless I’m looking in a mirror, rose-colored glasses are permanently fixed to my face. Give me ten minutes with a person and I am convinced that with God, a little faith, and some elbow grease, anybody can be, have, or do whatever they want – as long as they yield to God’s instruction.

This week alone, I’ve tried to motivate friends and family members to create apps, start a catering business, buy real estate and host a podcast. I’m prepared to help each and every one of those people get started. I’m ready to get dirty with them, pray, and talk to investors. I’m ready to work.

What I find weird about this, is that I can’t seem to do any of the same things for myself. I can be bold for everyone else but have little to no desire to be bold on my own behalf. What’s the deal with that?

I was going to suggest that maybe this isn’t the right time to make moves in this area. I was going to give myself an exemption. School has started. I’m supposed to be writing. I’m busy. But no! If I can find the time to work with everyone else. I can work for me too! I can advocate for me. I can motivate myself! I can be my own encouragement pusher.  I have to be my own encouragement pusher.