Category: Believers

Believers

The Art of Finishing: Characters are Real People Too

JSB

Outside of the soon-to-be consistent blog posts and the journaling I do when I’m wrestling with my emotions, all of my writing is fictional. I make up worlds, characters, and story lines for fun. I lie as a form of creative expression. However, I recently realized how close to the truth most of my work is. In one way or another I identify with all of my flawed and unsympathetic characters, even the worst of them.

My characters are the hidden reactions I stifle in order to survive in the free world. They are the what-ifs. What if I had been born at this time and had to deal with this manner of injustice? What if my parents were proud but weak? What if I was a wife who hated her husband but needed to be loved by him?

The characters I write are not nice people. They are misogynists. They are indifferent to the plights of those who struggle around them. They are selfish, impatient, and cruel.

It makes me nervous to think that when readers meet my characters they will judge me for allowing those people to live inside my head. I am a believer, but my imagination is not easily explained and probably not justifiable. It is filled with brokenness.

Does that make me wrong – to have so many flawed people inside my imagination? This is one of the reasons I have had trouble finishing a draft of my novel. I’m afraid of what it might say about me.

Believers, Time Management

The Believers Guide to Time Management

JSB

I’m pretty busy. I have a teenaged son. I work full time and I’m also in a master’s program. I became active in my church a few months ago and am helping to plan a women’s conference. On top of that, today I decided it was a good time to finally learn to cook.

Two years ago, when I started school, I tried to soothe my fear of deadlines by studying time management practices. I read Hal Elrod’s The Miracle Morning in hopes that I would find my answer in an early start. I subscribed to podcasts marketed to female entrepreneurs and moms. I thought that if I gathered all the right information I would find the right tools.

Despite every attempt to manage my time; despite color-coded schedules and calendar apps with timed notifications; despite task lists and reminders, I found myself failing horribly at getting things done.

This morning it occurred to me that the problem isn’t that I haven’t found the right book, radio program or mentor. My issue is that I haven’t turned my day, my desires, and my tasks over to God.

The Bible says, in Psalms 37:23, that the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. James 4:15 also says For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live and do this, or that.

After reading those scriptures, I wondered if accomplishing my goals isn’t so much about setting aside blocks of time as it is about taking ordered steps? I wonder if it isn’t so much about making plans and struggling to keep them as it is about turning everything over to the Lord to manage?

What does that look like in practice? I think it looks like taking everything to the Lord in prayer. What I hope to do over the next coming weeks is to remember to hand my day over to God, considering my obligations like work, church and the responsibilities that come with parenting a busy teenager. My yes has to be my yes (Matthew 5:37), so anything I have agreed to: volunteering in the church bookstore, paying my bills, showing up to work on time, having my son at school on time, turning in my schoolwork on the due date, those things have to be done. I have to make those things a priority and I have to pray for the strength, endurance and favor to accomplish them, while trusting and believing that I’m can do all things through Christ.

The key is to prioritize prayer and reading scripture. As I ask for my daily bread I have to receive and eat it. I have to make time to hear God clearly so that I can follow whatever direction He has for me for each moment of the day with an open heart in case I have to refocus my assignments.

For the past few months, I have been repeatedly reminded that I must seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you (Matthew 6:33). If we seek the kingdom first, and make God and his righteousness our focus, I think He’ll help us to manage everything else. And I think it will be his good pleasure to do so.

Believers, Encourage Yourself, Uncategorized

Renewed and Ready?

JSB

Today is Sunday – my favorite day of the week (until about 6pm, when it really sinks in that I have to report to work the next day). Don’t get me wrong, I love Saturdays. Saturdays are wonderful, but often busy with errands, chores, and other responsibilities. Sundays are supposed to be chill: church, a good meal, a few hours of relaxation.

desk-keyboard-typing-8264When I woke this morning, my plan was to write out my schedule in my planner, post to each of my blogs, read Marilynne Robinson’s Gilead and start my Camp Nanowrimo writing. It’s after 8 PM and so far, I have completed none of those things.

Today, my pastor told the congregation to be doers. At the time, I took it as “go do something,” but I think he meant more than that. I think he meant, become a doer. It felt like my pastor was saying, do something consistently and your reputation for doing will proceed you.

This year, all of our sermons have been about real change. This blog was supposed to reflect that. I’m trying. My hope was to work a  little bit by little bit, one word at a time, one decision at a time. Luckily, it’s not too late to start. I can still win Camp Nano. Today’s only the 8th. I can read a few pages of Gilead before I turn in for the night, and I’m typing my post now. I’m doing something. I’m moving forward.

Believers, Time Management, Uncategorized, Writing Goals

Write the Vision

JSB

My uncle just sent me a text that said “Write the Vision.” I’ve been told that by different people more than three times in the past two weeks.

I have several apps that are supposed to help me do just that: goal apps, to-do apps, habit trackers. You name it, I have it.

There’s gotta be some truth to the advice. I listen to several productivity podcasts, get a half dozen motivational emails and texts, and they all seem to come back to:

And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. (Habakkuk 2:2 King James Version KJV)

Which leads me to ask, “Am I supposed to be running?” Until I copied that verse into this post, I’d never noticed the second part of the scripture. I don’t run!

I tackle my to-do lists a little at a time. I procrastinate. I linger over the checkboxes on whatever app I’m using and do little. WHO KNEW I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE RUNNING?!!! And I bet it’s a long race. The Bible is big on endurance.

For the record, at the time of writing I feel tricked, bamboozled and downright lazy. I’m out of shape. I wasn’t ready to run. I was barely ready to walk fast and now the stakes are higher! THE STAKES ARE HIGHER!

I’d better order some running shoes. I’d better learn how to stretch myself.

Believers, Uncategorized

Failing to Reap

JSB

A pastor once told me, “You don’t want to change. You like the idea of change, but the truth is, change scares you.”

At the time of said declaration, I’d been praying to get married for several years. I knew I wanted a husband. I wanted a family. I thought the pastor had it wrong. What I didn’t realize until years later, was that though I wanted a husband, I didn’t want to become a wife. I didn’t understand that if I was going to experience a shift, that shift would have to first occur inside my mind.

Nine years have passed since that pastor challenged me with the truth, and instead of wanting less, I want more. I want to write. I have a desire to start my own business. I’d love to be debt-free.

None of those desires will manifest unless I change.

I’m writing this to check in with myself and I’m challenging you to do the same. How have you changed? How many of your bad habits have you put aside in the past six months? Galatians 6:9 (the Amplified Bible) says: Let us not grow weary or become discouraged in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap if we do not give in. How many good habits have you committed to? Are you writing daily? Are you working out, meditating, praying, reading? Did you start a good habit and “faint” before it became muscle memory? Did you give in?agriculture-backyard-blur-296230

I believe that in Galatians 6:9, God isn’t only saying that you’ll get what you want when you do good, but that you’ll become what He wants. We won’t just reap good outside of ourselves but within too. If I write and don’t give up, I won’t just have written, but I’ll become a writer. I won’t have only given love, but the love inside me will take root and I’ll become one who loves.

It took me all of these years to see that true and lasting change comes from not giving up and now that I know, I don’t want to waste any more time. Join me. Let’s commit to doing the work.

Believers, MFA, Uncategorized, Writing Goals

The Weight of Glory

JSB

In December of 2018, if all goes as planned, I will have earned my MFA in Creative Writing. I’m excited about it. I’ll have finished something I didn’t know I wanted until God lead me to it. It’s hard work, but I know it’s worth the effort.

The truth is, I’ve never felt this tired or worried or more unsure in my life. The emotions associated with being overwhelmed are hard to manage. I was thinking about ways to cope when I came across this scripture:

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory (2 Corinthians 4:17).

pexels-photo-700446

Most mornings I log into Instagram and Twitter. I like to check up on the people I admire. When I do, I find that Roxane Gay’s been up all night writing or reading. Ava Duvernay has posted pics on a set during the wee hours of the morning. Shonda Rhimes has posted something about one of her many projects (projects that she’s running simultaneously!). These women are always working or traveling or preparing and they never seem to rest.

Now let’s go back to the scripture. It said that there is both a weight of glory and a light affliction. Does that mean that if I compare the weights of my affliction and glory, the affliction will prove to weigh less? Does that mean that my glory will be heavier to carry?

I feel like I am failing at keeping up with my responsibilities. I realize that my failure is due to my tendency towards procrastination and my deep desire to rest. But I have to give up both of those things and now. I have a good reason. I need to build up my muscles. If I can’t carry the weight of the affliction, I surely won’t be able to handle the glory.

 

Believers, Encourage Yourself, Uncategorized

The Fear of New Levels

JSB

My pastor said once, “If you’re the smartest person in the room, you need to go to another room.” It’s true. We do what we see. Even Jesus said, “Verily I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.” (John 5:19-20) What my pastor understands is that if we stay in the same room, we stay on the same level. When we change what we see, we change what we strive for.

I personally believe God offers us access to environments where people operate on levels higher than ours, not because we should waste time with jealousy and envy, but so that we can see living examples of what we should strive for, and then learn how to emulate them.arm

Recently, I’ve found myself in all sorts of spaces where others operate at a much higher level than I do. I listen to podcasts and read articles where people share their testimonies and both inspire and teach others. While listening, I often feel like why am I listening to this? I can’t do what he or she is doing. But I listen anyway. I take notes.

It’s interesting because two things have happened since I starting seeking new influences. Number one, the people who are still in the old space are shaken up. While they hated that I was a leader in the old space, they still don’t want me to leave. They see that I don’t yet operate on the next level (and work hard to consistently remind me of that fact) but are just as afraid that I will.

Secondly, switching rooms involves a lot of fear. When a person who was once the teacher becomes the student, his or her ignorance is on full display. It can feel like everyone is moving faster than they are. It can feel like they don’t deserve admittance. Doubt may set in… unbelievable doubt.

But none of this matters. It doesn’t matter if we feel good enough. It doesn’t matter what people say. It doesn’t matter how little we know when we first start. What matters is showing up. What matters is doing the work. What matters is that we continue to strive and press, no matter who we make uncomfortable in the process. Even if the person we make uncomfortable is the person staring at us in the mirror.

Believers, Check-in

What if Your Faith Fails?

JSB

Christians are supposed to be believers. Believing is our thing. Our Christian walk is based on it. We believe God and it’s accounted to us as righteousness (Gen: 15:6). We don’t have to see God in order to believe that He is and that He is a rewarder to those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6). We can be poor and in debt; we can live check to check; we can have bill collectors calling us at work, and yet believe that if we allow God to prepare us, our financial abundance is on its way. We can do this because we walk by faith.

Or… we’re supposed to anyway.

This week, I failed in my faith walk. Because I’m not 100% seeing, I’m not 100% believing. It seems I’m only 92% believing and the other 8% is calling the 92% stupid for hanging on. The 8% is shaking its head and casting judgment on that faithful 92%. The 8% is laughing a long, hard and heavy belly laugh.

I try to read the Bible every day. I don’t always prioritize it the way I should, but I do try. And for the life of me, I can’t figure out what we’re supposed to do between God notifying us of His plans for us and when He brings those plans into full manifestation. What did Hannah do? Or Sarah, or David, or Elijah?

How are we supposed to keep going with our lives when what we’re believing for doesn’t show up in a reasonable span of time? What do we do with our days (and our empty bank accounts) while we’re waiting to move forward?

I’m not doing as badly as I could be. The Holy Spirit has been leading the way, and I’m grateful for it. But that doesn’t mean I understand what’s happening. And it certainly doesn’t mean I’m not tired. However, I know that no matter what, I have to keep going. I have to keep the faith. And if I do fail, I have to get right back up and keep on moving, no matter what.