Category: MFA

Encourage Yourself, MFA, Time Management, Uncategorized

Out With the Familiar

JSB

The first quarter of 2018 is almost over. Unfortunately, I’m not surprised that I failed in my daily writing challenge. Meanwhile, my monthly MFA packet is due this weekend. I’m playing catch-up. I’m tired, I’m cranky and disappointed in myself for procrastinating once again.

Today, I listened to a new podcast. It was called Forever 35. It’s a health and wellness show about self-care. During the episode, one of the hosts confessed that she feels good when she procrastinates. Her co-host explained that the bad behavior felt good because it was a familiar feeling. She said that the familiarity was comfortable, not the procrastination.

I was blown away! Just yesterday I spoke with a friend about my battle with waiting until the last minute to do everything. I hate it because it makes me crazy and irritable, but I can’t seem to stop doing it. However, now that understand why I procrastinate, I believe I have the power to stop.

Matthew 18:18 says, “Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” God has given me the power to bind and loose! I can bind the familiar spirit of procrastination and loose the spirit of commitment. I can change what makes me feel comfortable! I am empowered to change.

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I know this is a blog about failure, but won’t be discouraged. The first quarter may have ended without my having accomplished all I wanted, but the second will begin with a plan for attack. It’s time to try faithfulness. It’s time to let go of the spirit of procrastination.

All Christians know that faith without works is dead, so every day I will work. I confess with my mouth that I will work even if I am uncomfortable. It may be a good time to feel a little uncomfortable. Out with the old and in with the new.

Believers, MFA, Uncategorized, Writing Goals

The Weight of Glory

JSB

In December of 2018, if all goes as planned, I will have earned my MFA in Creative Writing. I’m excited about it. I’ll have finished something I didn’t know I wanted until God lead me to it. It’s hard work, but I know it’s worth the effort.

The truth is, I’ve never felt this tired or worried or more unsure in my life. The emotions associated with being overwhelmed are hard to manage. I was thinking about ways to cope when I came across this scripture:

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory (2 Corinthians 4:17).

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Most mornings I log into Instagram and Twitter. I like to check up on the people I admire. When I do, I find that Roxane Gay’s been up all night writing or reading. Ava Duvernay has posted pics on a set during the wee hours of the morning. Shonda Rhimes has posted something about one of her many projects (projects that she’s running simultaneously!). These women are always working or traveling or preparing and they never seem to rest.

Now let’s go back to the scripture. It said that there is both a weight of glory and a light affliction. Does that mean that if I compare the weights of my affliction and glory, the affliction will prove to weigh less? Does that mean that my glory will be heavier to carry?

I feel like I am failing at keeping up with my responsibilities. I realize that my failure is due to my tendency towards procrastination and my deep desire to rest. But I have to give up both of those things and now. I have a good reason. I need to build up my muscles. If I can’t carry the weight of the affliction, I surely won’t be able to handle the glory.

 

Apps, Check-in, MFA, Time Management, Uncategorized

Update Fail One

JSB

I called this post Update Fail One because I am sure that if I do nothing else, I will continue to fail at updating this blog on a consistent basis. How shameful is that?

Yet, onward!

It’s no secret that I am failing in every area of my life. If you read this blog you know that already. What you don’t know is that I have a solution. This week I got a life coach! Not a human. I’m broke-ish and can’t afford a human. But what I (sort of) can afford is an app.

It’s called Success Wiz and I’m hoping it will help me get my life together. Like a lot of people in the social media age, I have big dreams. The trouble with me is that I want it all right now and have no idea how I can make any of it happen. I am inconsistent and easily overwhelmed. I get anxious when I think about all I want to do and instead of working towards my goals a little at a time, I whine and complain and resent myself and everyone else… and that’s not productive.

Because I listen to Gretchen Rubin’s Happier Podcast, I know that I am an obliger. I know that I need to be accountable in order to effective. In the case of the Success Wiz app, I’m accountable for the money I will be spending every month on the pro version. It’s only three bucks, but I can’t see myself throwing three bucks out the window for an app I won’t use. I’ll either use it lose it. That’s for sure.

Over the next week, I hope to see a difference in my focus and work ethic. I have to turn in my submission packet to my MFA mentor. I need to create a registration list for the classes I’m helping to admin. I have to read a book and write annotations. I have to work and spend time with my son. I need to read submissions for the literary magazine I edit for and lead the outreach push. I have a lot to do over the next seven days.

My plan is to come back this time Saturday morning and write about whether or not the app helped me to do any of the things I just listed. And since app developers don’t pay unknown inconsistent bloggers to write about their products, you don’t have to worry that I won’t give an honest review. I’ll keep it 100%.

(And do me a favor this week – keep your fingers crossed. I’ll need all the help I can get.)

Check-in, MFA, Uncategorized

January Check-In: Failing at Staying Energized

JSB

It’s only January 11th. Eleven days since 2018 started and I’m already out of energy. Seriously. I’m completely tapped out and I haven’t yet done anything.

My excuses are somewhat comforting: I live in the Midwest and for anyone who hasn’t heard, it’s been cold. Really cold. Below zero cold. Curl-up-in-bed-with-a-book-as-soon-as-you-get-home-from-work cold. Nevermind-that-you’re-a-student-and-you-have-writing-to-do cold. Nevermind-your-dreams, just-don’t-freeze cold.

Plus, it gets dark early and it’s hard for me to function without the ever necessary Vitamin D… *insert side-eye here*

What I don’t understand is why no one else seems to need the comfort of a well-crafted excuse? Why isn’t anyone else hiding under a blanket and enjoying the spoils of laziness? Is it that they don’t know how to make excuses or are they too busy producing content to take the time to come up with any? (I may not be great at commitment, but I excel at coming up with reasons to remain stagnant. I could help them out. It could be my first writing job!)

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While I work hard not to covet, several of my Facebook friends finished manuscripts at the end of 2017. They’ve gotten published in lit mags. They started successful blogs. They’re actually working on 2018 goals while I eat cookies in my bathrobe. It seems that everyone is beating me in the race towards success because they won’t stop moving.

I know what I need to do. I’ve always known. I need to overcome myself. I need to get up and get writing. I need to move. Only, it’s hard and I’m tired. Plus it’s cold, and I mean really really cold… change-into-sweatpants-and-watch-Netflix-for-twelve-hours cold.

MFA, Uncategorized, Writing Goals

Failing to Fail in 2018

JSB

2017 is over. It’s the past now so there’s no need to go over it again. There’s no need to rehash how I gave up on blogging as soon as school began. We can forget that I started a new manuscript without finishing the one I was working on. Bringing up that I didn’t make any attempts to submit work would be silly. It’s too late to worry about it.

What does matter is that we can start again. This year we can choose to do the work we pushed aside last year. We can search for better ways to get it done if we have to. We can allow for false starts and backtracking as long as we keep going.

My goal for this year is to write seven hundred and fifty words a day. I’m currently using my free trial membership with 750words.com, a website that tracks whether or not its members are keeping their writing commitment.

Another goal I have is to submit to online journals. I’m going to call it Submission Sunday. At least one Sunday a month I’m either going to send my work out or to research outlets where I can. The way I see it, twelve attempts to submit will be better than the zero I’m used to.

Finally, this is the year I finish my master’s degree and I want it to count. So in 2018, I am going to take advantage of every mentor and every assignment given to me. I won’t procrastinate.

While we can’t predict what happens this year, we can receive the joy that comes from hard work and consistency. We can find the joy in doing what we love for the sake of the process. Isn’t that what it’s all for anyway? Isn’t that why we write?

MFA, Writing Goals

Who Fails at Plot?!!!

JSB

I’m taking my MFA program seriously, I promise. I really do want to be a writer, which seems to mean that I want to read On Writing and Bird by Bird over and over again. Or it means that I want to watch Stuck in Love ten thousand times.

I’m not sure if I actually want to write. Because you see, going into my office hurts. It’s only four feet from my bedroom but heading there feels like I’m trekking across the desert or climbing an iceberg. By the time I arrive I’m too tired to do anything.

A few weeks ago, I got my first comments back from my mentor. He didn’t say I suck but instead insinuated that maybe it might take me awhile to get over myself just enough to write an actual story.

So, for the sake of clarification, in case you missed anything: Not only do I spend most of my time avoiding writing but when I finally get around to it, nothing I churn out has a plot. Isn’t that just peachy!

My mentor, who is perfectly wonderful, has asked me to do an outline. Go over the top, he says. Over the top! I can’t conceive of over the top! I have no idea where over the top is!

Needless to say, I’ve had no peace for two the past weeks. I’ve been avoiding my story, my mentor, the outline, everything. And next week I have no choice. I have to start writing.

So, I’m going to spend this week walking. I’m going to walk around town with my audio recorder and talk to myself. I am going outline. I am going to fail and fail hard. And my mentor will judge me. I already know he’s gonna judge me and possibly laugh. But if I am going to be a writer, that is what writers do. Writers write words. They don’t just watch The Shining.

MFA, Writing Goals

Camp Nano Fail

JSB

I signed up for Camp Nanowrimo this year. I sign up for Camp Nanowrimo every year and I do so with high hopes. I do so while bragging about being a pantser. I sign up for a cool cabin filled with inspired YA writers. I watch virtual write-ins and binge on those motivational videos the real writers post in your Nanowrimo inbox. I even got my coworker to make me a customized book cover last year.

Now to be clear, I have won Nanowrimo. Three years in a row, I busted my butt to write those fifty thousand words. But there’s something about Camp. I have never won camp. Not once. Not in May. Not in July.

This time, I didn’t even manage to write one word. Not one single word.

And I think I’m justified in blaming my MFA program. There’s loads of reading in my program. Loads. And I’m not making excuses, but with all the reading and all the writing…. and the erasing, and the combined writing and erasing… and then pondering, and then crying, and erasing some more, I just don’t have the time to write with joy.

The sad thing is, I love all things Nanowrimo. This is not a guiltless fail. My heart is sort of broken. I love it when the nano team sends me that certificate that says I’m a winner. I so long to be a winner!

MFA

A Whole Bunch of Writers

JSB

I’m writing from the sky! (Excuse the terrible picture.)

The 2017 Spring/Fall residency is over and I am both incredibly thankful and exhausted. Nine days, four workshops, three social engagements, two mentor meetings, two public readings, and too many seminars to count, and I feel like I’ve interacted with more writers in the past week than I have all year!

Which leads me to the purpose of this post: if you need motivation, if you’re looking for inspiration, or maybe an opportunity to network, or you want to strengthen your craft skills – apply to an MFA program. If you can’t do that (which I totally understand), join or begin your own writers’ group. Find yourself some writer friends!

There’s nothing in the world like connecting with other writers. There’s nothing more motivating than having published authors, men and women who have already experienced the success you desire, take you and your work seriously. And you get that in an MFA program.

Though I’ve never been more worn out in my life, I’m excited about my writing. I’m excited about the people I connected with during the residency, and I’m also pumped for the reading assignments I’ll have over the next five months. And I know for sure, that if I do it right, I’ll end up with one hundred pages of new material. If I do it right, I’ll be one step closer to checking off one of my goals.

Explanation, MFA, Uncategorized

MFA or Bust

JSB

To recap: Following the advice of two writers I knew, I decided I would leave the MA program if I gained acceptance to a low-residency MFA program. And to put pressure on it, the MA program I was currently in, closed registration within a few days of my decision to apply. This only mattered because I was afraid that if I took a break from school, to wait for news of a Spring acceptance, I would quit. I needed direction. I needed favor. So, I prayed for just that.

Then I moved on it. I called the school on a Wednesday, to see if they would expedite my application. I was told it wouldn’t happen. To say I was disappointed, was an understatement. But I kept going. I kept waiting for God to come through. Even if God came through with a dose of perfect peace and a rejection letter.

And then, I got a call from the chair of the MFA Program. He notified me that he’d had a last minute cancellation and that my application was the only one on his desk.

The next semester’s apps hadn’t come in yet. He could read my submission if I wanted. I said yes! It took a week for the director and the board to make a decision, but the day before the workshop began, if I was offered admission. The next day I was on a plane.

God had made it so I had the money for housing and transportation. God miraculously use a fluke situation that had held up a check, that ended up being released within a week of my acceptance. God worked it out so that I had willing people to help take care of my responsibilities at home. God worked it all out.

And I am so thankful!